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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Long Space Voyages May Damage Vision

MRI scans of astronauts who have been on long space flights found evidence of intracranial hypertension, which could damage eyesight. What do you think?

  • “Not to diminish the wonder of space travel, but surely we can find cheaper and safer ways to blind astronauts here on Earth.”

    Mickey Jacildo Furniture Cleaner
  • "First pro football, now aerospace. What's a guy supposed to do for a living if he wants universal adulation without brain damage?"

    Jermaine Moorish Forge Utility Worker
  • "Can NASA not afford sunglasses anymore?"

    Darcy Cox Unemployed
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