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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Longer Work Day May Increase Heart Attack Risk

A new study revealed that people who worked 11 or more hours a day ran a 67 percent greater risk of having a heart attack than those who worked seven or eight hours a day. What do you think?

  • "On the other hand, if I put in those hours, not only can I make partner, but I'll also have saved enough to afford the bypass operation."

    Carl Licht Attorney
  • "I work 11 hours a day, but my boss only pays me for eight—what does that do to my heart?"

    Steve Magnuson Mechanic
  • "Yeah, but when I stop to think about it, shaving a few extra years off my life is a small price to pay to be able to enjoy the nonstop thrills and inner fulfillment of my normal 8-to-8 workday cold-calling elderly people and trying to persuade them to buy supplementary life insurance."

    Jean Kramer Insurance Salesperson
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