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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Longest Hypersonic Flight Test Conducted

In a test of the X-51A jet last week, it reached speeds of mach 5 for over three minutes, the longest hypersonic flight by a factor of ten. What do you think?

  • "It must have been so cool when the phrase 'Holy shit!' finally caught up to the jet 15 minutes later."

    Erin Kramer Systems Analyst
  • "That's amazing! Now when it comes to what we use that sort of thing for, what exactly do we use that sort of thing for?"

    Bart Magnuson Signaler
  • "What? I'm sorry you'll have to speak up. Yesterday this thing going at mach 5 flew over my house."

    Martin Licht Vegetable Sorter
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