Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot

The multistate Mega Millions lottery jackpot has reached $640 million and become the largest prize of its kind in U.S. history. What do you think?

  • “Oh man, I’ve got $720 million in AmEx debt I’d love to pay down a little.”

    Sue Gordon
    Systems Analyst
  • "Speak to me, Fortuna. Lead me through the darkness and tell me which gas station to go to."

    Stephen Diamond
    In-Flight Refueling Operator
  • "Those things are always won by some podunk hick who wouldn’t know what to do with a dollar if it bit him in the—hey, wait a minute. That’s me!"

    John Spinell
    Unemployed
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