Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot

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Vol 48 Issue 13

Cupcake Truce

Food 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST Years of devastation come to an end as mediators negotiate a treaty between Melinda Scott of Twinkle Cupcakes and Jessica Hammerman of Sprinkles.

Apartment Returns To Pre-Houseguest Level Of Tension

COLUMBUS, OH—With the Sunday afternoon departure of friends visiting from Chicago for the weekend, the apartment of Gary and Felicia Mylan ceased being a warm, open household and returned to its normal atmosphere of icy resentment.

Media Manipulations, Falsehoods, And The Greater Truth

Recently, the most downloaded episode of This American Life—featuring Mike Daisey's monologue The Agony And The Ecstasy Of Steve Jobs—and a viral video about Africanchild soldiers called Kony 2012 have fallen under fire for failing to prov...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot

The multistate Mega Millions lottery jackpot has reached $640 million and become the largest prize of its kind in U.S. history. What do you think?

  • “Oh man, I’ve got $720 million in AmEx debt I’d love to pay down a little.”

    Sue Gordon
    Systems Analyst
  • "Speak to me, Fortuna. Lead me through the darkness and tell me which gas station to go to."

    Stephen Diamond
    In-Flight Refueling Operator
  • "Those things are always won by some podunk hick who wouldn’t know what to do with a dollar if it bit him in the—hey, wait a minute. That’s me!"

    John Spinell
    Unemployed
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