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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Lou Dobbs Leaves CNN

The outspoken CNN anchor announced Wednesday that he was resigning, effective immediately. What do you think?
  • "Where on cable television am I supposed to find another right-wing, xenophobic, paranoid white guy pretending to be a journalist?"

    Petra Wimbish Systems Analyst
  • "It's going to be a tough adjustment period for Mrs. Dobbs, what with Lou being at home all the time, hanging out down in the basement and barking into his CB radio."

    Arthur LeBlanc Sidehand
  • "Finally, we'll get to hear what he really thinks about illegal immigrants."

    LaVonn McDonald Music Typographer

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