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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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‘Love Actually’ Sequel In The Works

To honor the charity event Red Nose Day this May, filmmaker Richard Curtis will produce a brief miniature sequel to his 2003 smash hit Love Actually, checking in on many of the original characters. What do you think?

  • “As long as makeup artist Lorna McGowan is returning, this is a can’t-miss!”

    Cal Rixby Systems Analyst
  • “I can’t believe I spent 14 years on this script for nothing.”

    Tanner Fowles Symposium Scheduler
  • “But I thought they all died at the end?”

    Cora Langley Unemployed

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