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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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‘Love Actually’ Sequel In The Works

To honor the charity event Red Nose Day this May, filmmaker Richard Curtis will produce a brief miniature sequel to his 2003 smash hit Love Actually, checking in on many of the original characters. What do you think?

  • “As long as makeup artist Lorna McGowan is returning, this is a can’t-miss!”

    Cal Rixby Systems Analyst
  • “I can’t believe I spent 14 years on this script for nothing.”

    Tanner Fowles Symposium Scheduler
  • “But I thought they all died at the end?”

    Cora Langley Unemployed

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