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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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LSD Could Be Viable Alcoholism Treatment

A comprehensive analysis of LSD studies conducted in the 1960s and ’70s found that alcoholics were less likely to relapse if they took LSD under the controlled supervision of a psychiatrist. What do you think?

  • "No thanks. My doors of perception are blocked with empties, and they're going to stay that way."

    Jamie Harper General Helper
  • "Yeah, I can see how you’d be less prone to drink when your bottle of vodka screams at you to rip off its head."

    Liz Murray Public-Address Servicer
  • "Man, my psychiatrist sucks."

    Joe Pearson Dishwasher
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