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After Birth

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

Actress Mackenzie Phillips, star of One Day At A Time, writes in her new memoir that she had a consensual sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. What do you think?
  • "That is absolutely revolting. Who in their right mind would pick Mackenzie over Chynna?"

    Christie McQuern Systems Analyst
  • "Seriously? But John Phillips wrote some of the squarest la-la-la pop music ever."

    Keith Cervantes Flag Designer
  • "In that case, I owe my fulminating, hippie-baiting dad an apology."

    Carl Splichalova Ignition Specialist

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