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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Madonna Banned From Movie Theater For Texting

Madonna was kicked out of the Alamo Drafthouse movie theater in New York for texting during the film 12 Years A Slave, with the CEO of the theater chain banning her from any of the company’s locations until she publicly apologizes for her behavior. What do you think?

  • “Looks like there’s a new bad girl on the scene.”

    Ted Launer Unemployed
  • “I knew that toned-down Madonna from A League Of Their Own wouldn’t last.”

    Martha Styles Food Bacteriologist
  • “We’ve had a strict no-Madonna policy since the ’80s.”

    Ron Coates CEO Of AMC Loews Movie Theaters

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