Madonna Banned From Movie Theater For Texting

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Madonna Banned From Movie Theater For Texting

Madonna was kicked out of the Alamo Drafthouse movie theater in New York for texting during the film 12 Years A Slave, with the CEO of the theater chain banning her from any of the company’s locations until she publicly apologizes for her behavior. What do you think?

  • “Looks like there’s a new bad girl on the scene.”

    Ted Launer Unemployed
  • “I knew that toned-down Madonna from A League Of Their Own wouldn’t last.”

    Martha Styles Food Bacteriologist
  • “We’ve had a strict no-Madonna policy since the ’80s.”

    Ron Coates CEO Of AMC Loews Movie Theaters


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close