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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Madonna Endorses 'Black Muslim' Obama

During a concert in Washington, D.C. Monday, pop singer Madonna urged the crowd to support President Barack Obama, whom she referred to as a “black Muslim in the White House” amid an impassioned, profanity-laced political speech. What do you think?

  • “Doesn’t she realize how much media attention comments like this draw to her?”

    Ian Bialek Systems Analyst
  • “Did she happen to mention who she likes for Indiana attorney general? I’m still on the fence.”

    Ernie Ingram Reservoir Caretaker
  • “Well, I just hope everyone still enjoyed themselves at her concert and felt like they got their money’s worth.”

    Annabelle McCurdy Lamp Wirer

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