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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Major Obama Donor Accused Of Fraud

Abake Assongba, a New York woman who with her husband contributed $50,000 to the Obama campaign, is accused of defrauding people out of more than $650,000 and using the money to build a house. What do you think?

  • "Can this donor get around the charge by declaring herself a corporation? Then I think she'd be in the clear."

    Alan Tapia Paster
  • "Obviously Obama has to give the money back, but as a gesture of good faith, he should also burn their house down."

    Katie Warren Register Repairer
  • "I hope no one vets me. I donated $5, and one time I stole a bracelet from Target."

    Dan Thompson MVA-Reactor Operator

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