Malcolm McLaren Dead At 64

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Vol 46 Issue 15

Albert Pujols Sliding Into Everything After Learning To Slide

ST. LOUIS—Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feetfirst into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into.

Opening Staff Rails Against Incompetence Of Closing Staff

ATHENS, GA—Citing a recent rash of barely mopped floors, sloppy register work, and general negligence, the opening staff of local restaurant Dom's issued a harsh proclamation this week, saying it would no longer endure the half-assed performance of the closing staff.
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Malcolm McLaren Dead At 64

Music manager Malcolm McLaren, who is credited with creating such acts as the Sex Pistols and Bow Wow Wow, died in Switzerland last Thursday. What do you think?

  • "I can't wait to hear Public Image Ltd.'s rendition of 'Candle In The Wind.'"

    Michael Lwin
    Systems Analyst
  • "I thought it was really touching when Johnny Rotten called him a fucking cunt and spit on his coffin while delivering the eulogy."

    Shannon Gorman
    Water Taxi Driver
  • "Luckily, we still have plenty of dangerous, outspoken bands working to change the stagnant culture these days."

    Sam Ashman
    Propeller Inspector
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