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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Malcolm McLaren Dead At 64

Music manager Malcolm McLaren, who is credited with creating such acts as the Sex Pistols and Bow Wow Wow, died in Switzerland last Thursday. What do you think?

  • "I can't wait to hear Public Image Ltd.'s rendition of 'Candle In The Wind.'"

    Michael Lwin Systems Analyst
  • "I thought it was really touching when Johnny Rotten called him a fucking cunt and spit on his coffin while delivering the eulogy."

    Shannon Gorman Water Taxi Driver
  • "Luckily, we still have plenty of dangerous, outspoken bands working to change the stagnant culture these days."

    Sam Ashman Propeller Inspector
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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