Male Birth-Control Pill

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


Male Birth-Control Pill

Scientists are reportedly close to perfecting a birth-control pill for men that will stop the development of sperm. What do you think?
  • "If my wife can't remember to take her pill, what makes you think I can rely on her to make me take mine?"

    Peter Haynes
    Insurance Salesman
  • "I tend to be pretty forgetful, so once they release a male morning-after pill, I'll be all set."

    Paul Bannon
    Knife Sharpener
  • "We already bear the enormous responsibility of pulling out and now they want to make us do this?"

    Kyle Bruckner
    Systems Analyst