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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Mallard Fillmore Scribe DUI

Edward Bruce Tinsley, the creator of conservative-duck comic strip Mallard Fillmore, was arrested on DUI charges. What do you think?
  • "As a longtime Fillmore fan, I have to ask myself, what would a reactionary duck have to say about this?"

    Cara Libowitz Acupuncturist
  • "Is that a pun on our thirteenth president Millard Fillmore? I just got that, just now."

    Doug Troutman Telephone Installer
  • "This is so typical of the liberal media. Tinsley has a couple drinks and it's all over the news, but Cathy Guisewite gets all whacked out on PCP and punches a cop and you barely hear a thing about it."

    Matt Behling Systems Analyst

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