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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Mallard Fillmore Scribe DUI

Edward Bruce Tinsley, the creator of conservative-duck comic strip Mallard Fillmore, was arrested on DUI charges. What do you think?
  • "As a longtime Fillmore fan, I have to ask myself, what would a reactionary duck have to say about this?"

    Cara Libowitz Acupuncturist
  • "Is that a pun on our thirteenth president Millard Fillmore? I just got that, just now."

    Doug Troutman Telephone Installer
  • "This is so typical of the liberal media. Tinsley has a couple drinks and it's all over the news, but Cathy Guisewite gets all whacked out on PCP and punches a cop and you barely hear a thing about it."

    Matt Behling Systems Analyst
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