Man Arrested In Federal Reserve Bomb Plot

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Vol 48 Issue 42

Romney Blimp Makes Emergency Landing

While flying over Boca Raton, FL yesterday ahead of the final presidential debate, a blimp bearing the likeness of the Republican presidential nominee and the phrase “America Needs Romney” was forced by high winds to make an emergency landing.

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

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Chelsea Burns and Robert Jacobs

Chelsea Burns and Robert Jacobs were married at sunset Saturday on a picturesque Hawaiian beach inside Chelsea's head, while the rest of her body was at the actual ceremony near the seventh hole of the golf club Robert's dad belongs to.

Romney Stands Behind Ryan To Show Good Campaigning Stance

COLUMBUS, OH—In order to demonstrate proper campaign posture, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stood behind running mate Paul Ryan on Saturday and gently guided the younger man’s hips and elbows into an ideal speaking stance, source...
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Man Arrested In Federal Reserve Bomb Plot

A 21-year-old Bangladeshi man who allegedly claimed ties to al-Qaeda has been accused of attempting to blow up the Federal Reserve Bank in Lower Manhattan with a van full of inoperable explosives supplied to him by undercover agents. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, I did a lot of stupid stuff like that when I was 21, too.”

    Norine Kutchaver
    Unemployed
  • “Al-Qaeda? Boy, that takes me back.”

    Michael Prentice
    Airport Manager
  • “How cute would it be if the guy, right as he tried to detonate it, put his fingers in his ears in preparation for this big loud boom he thought was coming?”

    Stuart Krogman
    Egg Pasteurizer
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