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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Man Arrested In Federal Reserve Bomb Plot

A 21-year-old Bangladeshi man who allegedly claimed ties to al-Qaeda has been accused of attempting to blow up the Federal Reserve Bank in Lower Manhattan with a van full of inoperable explosives supplied to him by undercover agents. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, I did a lot of stupid stuff like that when I was 21, too.”

    Norine Kutchaver Unemployed
  • “Al-Qaeda? Boy, that takes me back.”

    Michael Prentice Airport Manager
  • “How cute would it be if the guy, right as he tried to detonate it, put his fingers in his ears in preparation for this big loud boom he thought was coming?”

    Stuart Krogman Egg Pasteurizer

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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