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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Man Arrested Trying To Board Flight With M-80s

Authorities in Philadelphia arrested a 29-year-old man trying to board a flight to San Francisco with commercial-grade M-80s and a bottle of flash powder. What do you think?

  • "There are so many different kinds of fireworks, how is anyone supposed to remember which ones are allowed on planes?"

    Eric Kipper Systems Analyst
  • "So now it’s the government’s business when a man wants to blow up dog poop across state lines?"

    Felicia Sandor Organ-Pipe Voicer
  • "Putting the fireworks kiosk in the Philadelphia airport was definitely a bad idea."

    Pat Nicholson Glass Bender
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