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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Man Creates Functional Gun On 3D Printer

Cody Wilson, founder of the libertarian nonprofit Defense Distributed, has created a functional plastic gun on a 3D printer that uses standard handgun rounds, demonstrating that anyone with such technology can make their own largely undetectable and untraceable firearm. What do you think?

  • “That’s what the government gets for making regular guns so difficult to acquire.”

    Christophe Bettenfeld Knife Grinder
  • “Sounds cool, but I’d probably rather just buy a real gun than trying to figure out how to set up another printer.”

    Eva Zarrouk Fumigator
  • “Fuckin’ Cody.”

    Nicholas Kovacs Laboratory Chief

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