adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Demands No Black Nurses Touch Newborn

An African-American nurse is suing a hospital in Flint, MI, alleging that administrators granted a request by a white man with a swastika tattoo that no black nurses tend to his newborn, a demand the hospital says it denied. What do you think?

  • “That’s insane! When my son was born, we made every African-American nurse hold him!”

    Merritt Grand Musician
  • “Aww, a baby!”

    Patricia Shostrom Laser Technician
  • “I just politely asked that the nurses please not have cold hands.”

    Denney Belt Onion Harvesting Supervisor

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close