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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Man Drives Car Into Wal-Mart, Assaults Shoppers

A man is in custody in San Jose, CA after he struck two cars with his Oldsmobile in a Wal-Mart parking lot Sunday, drove through the storefront, and then exited his vehicle and assaulted three store patrons and an employee with a blunt object. What do you think?

  • “Is there no space left that’s sacred?”

    Mira Sandknop Casket Liner
  • “Nice to see some blunt-object violence for a change.”

    E.J. Morgenthal Animal Trainer
  • “I’m bad at parking, too.”

    Zack Helstrom Systems Analyst

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