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Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space

With sponsorship from energy-drink maker Red Bull, Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner will ride a helium balloon to the edge of outer space and skydive from a record height of 23 miles, provided weather conditions allow. What do you think?

  • “That Red Bull should help him stay awake during that super boring fall.”

    Patsy Collingwood Unemployed
  • “He’s just doing it for the attention; nobody give it to him.”

    Craig Westerby Delinquent-Account Clerk
  • “It’s just like Red Bull’s slogan: ‘Red Bull will fucking kill you.’”

    Bernard Henson Horse Exerciser

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