Many More Chernobyl Victims?

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Many More Chernobyl Victims?

A new Greenpeace report argues that 10 times as many people died from the Chernobyl disaster than official estimates claimed at the time. What do you think?
  • "Is Greenpeace counting the two-headed people twice? Because that's not fair."

    Rachel Galland
    Systems Analyst
  • "'Chernobyl' is such an ugly word. Can't we call it something pleasant, like 'Love Canal'?"

    Geoff Martinez
    Mail Carrier
  • "Once again, Greenpeace: Thanks for brightening my day."

    Ishmael Roland
    Radiologist