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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Mardi Gras 2006?

Mardi Gras organizers in New Orleans promised that they will hold the celebration in February 2006 as planned, despite the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina. What do you think?

  • "Imagine: all the fun of Mardi Gras combined with all the logistical nightmares of Kevin Costner's Waterworld."

    Rachel Briggs Systems Analyst
  • "That sucks. You know how hard it is to get a chick to take off her dive mask, remove her rebreather, roll up her scuba suit, and show her tits?"

    Alvin McMichaels Roofer
  • "I don't know if I would go to it. I would have a hard time getting excited about mold-themed floats."

    Jensen Clymer Illustrator

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