Marijuana Smokers Skinnier

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Marijuana Smokers Skinnier

According to new research, pot smokers have smaller waist circumferences and have higher levels of “good” HDL cholesterol than those who do not use marijuana, even after controlling for other factors such as age, sex, and level of physical activity. What do you think?

  • “I knew it! Not smoking pot has made me obese.”

    Ross Bottomley
    Pillow Cleaner
  • “We get it, medical community. Stop stuffing marijuana down our throats.”

    Vinny Worley
    Muskrat Trapper
  • “Hmm, did they happen to say anything about sniffing markers?”

    Jocelyn Crane
    Stunt Driver