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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Marine Faces Discharge For Anti-Obama Facebook Posts

A U.S. Marine sergeant who started a Facebook page called Armed Forces Tea Party may be dismissed from the corps for violating Pentagon directives on political speech by active soldiers. What do you think?

  • "I don't understand why he feels the need to express his political viewpoints. Isn't being a faceless killing machine gratification enough?"

    Bert Treece Fabric Lay-Out Worker
  • "Yeah, well, maybe the president should stop searching for himself on Facebook and get back to work."

    Larry Fay Mosaicist
  • “That’s it! I’m defriending the Pentagon as we speak.”

    Sharon Rathke Unemployed

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