Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.

Insurance Only Covers Generic Heart Transplant

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery.
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Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

A study found that more than one-third of new marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 began online, and that these marriages were more satisfying and less likely to end in divorce than ones that started offline. What do you think?

  • “What a bunch of happy losers.”

    Patti Farr
    Nail Polish Formulator
  • “Thanks. I wasn’t sure I should marry this woman I met online, but now I totally will.”

    Ron Goulet
    Billet Inspector
  • “It’s a shame that those people will never get to experience the romance of just writing to a random penitentiary inmate and seeing what happens.”

    Harry Retton
    Garden Hose Fabricator
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