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Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

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Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

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INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

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The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

THE HEAVENS—Grumbling to Himself as He frantically retraced His steps across the Heavens, God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, admitted to reporters Monday that He had somehow managed to lose the pouch containing the enchanted crystals that give Him His powers.

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.
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Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

A study found that more than one-third of new marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 began online, and that these marriages were more satisfying and less likely to end in divorce than ones that started offline. What do you think?

  • “What a bunch of happy losers.”

    Patti Farr Nail Polish Formulator
  • “Thanks. I wasn’t sure I should marry this woman I met online, but now I totally will.”

    Ron Goulet Billet Inspector
  • “It’s a shame that those people will never get to experience the romance of just writing to a random penitentiary inmate and seeing what happens.”

    Harry Retton Garden Hose Fabricator

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