adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

A study found that more than one-third of new marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 began online, and that these marriages were more satisfying and less likely to end in divorce than ones that started offline. What do you think?

  • “What a bunch of happy losers.”

    Patti Farr Nail Polish Formulator
  • “Thanks. I wasn’t sure I should marry this woman I met online, but now I totally will.”

    Ron Goulet Billet Inspector
  • “It’s a shame that those people will never get to experience the romance of just writing to a random penitentiary inmate and seeing what happens.”

    Harry Retton Garden Hose Fabricator

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close