adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mars Rover Lands Safely

The NASA rover Curiosity touched down safely on the Martian surface following a complex descent and landing procedure that scientists had dubbed the "seven minutes of terror." What do you think?

  • “Yeah, if by ‘safely’ you mean it will never again return home to see the scientists who made it. Poor Mars rover.”

    Veronica Forchion Systems Analyst
  • “Didn’t we dissolve the space program? No? All right, let’s collect some more dirt samples, I guess.”

    Joey De Young Jack Setter
  • “Wake me up when this leads to an invention like Velcro.”

    Paul Hesseman Orthotics Technician

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close