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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Mars Rover Lands Safely

The NASA rover Curiosity touched down safely on the Martian surface following a complex descent and landing procedure that scientists had dubbed the "seven minutes of terror." What do you think?

  • “Yeah, if by ‘safely’ you mean it will never again return home to see the scientists who made it. Poor Mars rover.”

    Veronica Forchion Systems Analyst
  • “Didn’t we dissolve the space program? No? All right, let’s collect some more dirt samples, I guess.”

    Joey De Young Jack Setter
  • “Wake me up when this leads to an invention like Velcro.”

    Paul Hesseman Orthotics Technician

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