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Martha's Mess

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Martha's Mess

Implicated in the ImClone trading scandal, Martha Stewart is now accused of illegally dumping her own company's stock, as well. What do you think?
  • "You'd think Martha, of all people, would know how to put those worthless old stock certificates to good use instead of just dumping them."

    Linda Symanski
    Realtor
  • "Have they built a jail cell strong enough to hold her?"

    Benjamin <br>Robison
    Systems Analyst
  • "Poor Martha. She showed a lost and confused world how to spruce up those ho-hum wall sconces, and this is how we thank her."

    Beth Atkinson
    Graduate <br>Student
  • Young Man "I really don't think it's right for us to act as Martha Stewart's judge, jury, and executioner. Executioner will have to do."

    Frank Bergin
    Contractor
  • "Funny, the Martha Stewart Living web site doesn't mention anything about this."

    George Adamle
    Civil Engineer
  • "First the Catholic Church, now Martha. Who's going to be left to make us feel bad about ourselves?"

    Norman Linn
    File Clerk

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