Mass Transit Use Increases

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Mass Transit Use Increases

Predictably, rising gas prices have led to an increase in mass-transit use. What do you think?
  • "Mass transit is a perfect solution. The thought of wasting money on gas disgusts me, and the thought of walking anywhere downright terrifies me."

    Julia Harrison
    Technical Consultant
  • "On the bright side, the additional people on the subways gives me a whole new variety of potential stab victims."

    Joe Varick
    Office Manager
  • "I miss being alone in my car. You should see the looks I get when I toss my empty McDonald's wrappers in the row behind me, sing along loudly to my music, and flip people off."

    Erik Doe
    Systems Analyst