Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

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Vol 46 Issue 10

Lazy Free Agent Wants To Try Out Over Phone

CHARLOTTE, NC—In an effort to avoid physical exertion, strenuous activity, and standing up, slothful free agent Hollis Thomas told several NFL general managers Friday that he would prefer to try out for their teams over the phone.
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UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

After resigning amidst allegations of sexual harassment, former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) told Larry King and Glenn Beck that he was targeted by the Obama administration for not supporting health care reform. What do you think?
  • "It seems unfair that Republicans get to use public bathrooms for anonymous sex and Democrats just get berated in the shower by Rahm Emanuel."

    Nadia Falconi
    Systems Analyst
  • "He seems fun, like my supervisor at Office Max who used to playfully staple sale signs to my ass."

    Lucas DePace
    Stock Clerk
  • "So this guy was blocking health care reform and sexually harassing people? Wasn't he targeted by just about everyone, then?"

    Ward Thoele
    Capacitor Assembler
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