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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Massachusetts Mayors Battle Melatonin Brownie

The mayors of Fall River, MA and New Bedford, MA are seeking to ban Lazy Cakes, a brownie containing 8 milligrams of melatonin, claiming the cartoon character on its package is being used to market the product to children. What do you think?

  • “Melatonin is a potent chemical that should only be available under the care of a professional GNC clerk.”

    Jackson Lett Dial-Screw Assembler
  • "I always fall asleep after eating an entire cake of any kind, so the melatonin seems unnecessary to me."

    Brianna Burns Knife Setter
  • "Take it easy, mayors. Ted Kennedy's dead. You don't have to worry about him powering one down and then driving on the sidewalk."

    Larry Gillan Unemployed
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