Massachusetts Mayors Battle Melatonin Brownie

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Vol 47 Issue 20

Man's Life Riddled With Continuity Errors

DENTON, TX—Sources confirmed Friday that the life of local marketing associate Rich Hammond has been plagued by a series of glaring errors in continuity, leading many to believe it was poorly thought out, with little regard for basic logic or consis...
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Massachusetts Mayors Battle Melatonin Brownie

The mayors of Fall River, MA and New Bedford, MA are seeking to ban Lazy Cakes, a brownie containing 8 milligrams of melatonin, claiming the cartoon character on its package is being used to market the product to children. What do you think?

  • “Melatonin is a potent chemical that should only be available under the care of a professional GNC clerk.”

    Jackson Lett
    Dial-Screw Assembler
  • "I always fall asleep after eating an entire cake of any kind, so the melatonin seems unnecessary to me."

    Brianna Burns
    Knife Setter
  • "Take it easy, mayors. Ted Kennedy's dead. You don't have to worry about him powering one down and then driving on the sidewalk."

    Larry Gillan
    Unemployed
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