Massachusetts Mayors Battle Melatonin Brownie

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Massachusetts Mayors Battle Melatonin Brownie

The mayors of Fall River, MA and New Bedford, MA are seeking to ban Lazy Cakes, a brownie containing 8 milligrams of melatonin, claiming the cartoon character on its package is being used to market the product to children. What do you think?

  • “Melatonin is a potent chemical that should only be available under the care of a professional GNC clerk.”

    Jackson Lett
    Dial-Screw Assembler
  • "I always fall asleep after eating an entire cake of any kind, so the melatonin seems unnecessary to me."

    Brianna Burns
    Knife Setter
  • "Take it easy, mayors. Ted Kennedy's dead. You don't have to worry about him powering one down and then driving on the sidewalk."

    Larry Gillan
    Unemployed
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