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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Massive Asteroid Could Hit Earth In 2032

Ukrainian scientists identified a 1,300-foot wide asteroid, large enough to potentially wipe out human civilization, that they projected would strike the planet in 2032, though NASA’s calculations place the likelihood of an impact at one in 48,000. What do you think?

  • “I’ve pretty much done everything I wanted to.”

    Mo Zajonc Pasteurizer Operator
  • “Our catastrophically high sea levels will probably soften the blow.”

    Gail Applegate Systems Analyst
  • “Who cares? By 2032 we’ll all be so old it won’t even matter.”

    Samuel Consolo Rose Grower
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Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

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