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Match.com Screening For Sex Offenders

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Match.com Screening For Sex Offenders

Following a lawsuit from a woman alleging she was raped by a man she met on Match.com who had previously been convicted of sexual battery, the dating website announced it would begin vetting its members to exclude known sex offenders. What do you think?

  • "I'm glad they didn't have that policy two years ago, or I never would've met Dave."

    Tabitha Stocking Classifier Tender
  • "Hey, if they want to give up all that sex offender business to eHarmony, that's their call."

    Dean Warren Systems Analyst
  • "Being barred from the site seems too punitive. They should just have to send a short message to each Match.com user as soon as they join, notifying everyone of their sex offender status."

    Darren Blanck Unemployed

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