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Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Up Next Screening For Sex Offenders

Following a lawsuit from a woman alleging she was raped by a man she met on who had previously been convicted of sexual battery, the dating website announced it would begin vetting its members to exclude known sex offenders. What do you think?

  • "I'm glad they didn't have that policy two years ago, or I never would've met Dave."

    Tabitha Stocking Classifier Tender
  • "Hey, if they want to give up all that sex offender business to eHarmony, that's their call."

    Dean Warren Systems Analyst
  • "Being barred from the site seems too punitive. They should just have to send a short message to each user as soon as they join, notifying everyone of their sex offender status."

    Darren Blanck Unemployed


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