After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Math Skills Show Little Growth

Testing of American fourth- and eighth-graders shows that only four out of 10 are proficient in mathematics, a figure that has not improved since 2007. What do you think?
  • "Oh, no. All of our high-paying jobs differentiating between parallelograms and rhombuses are sure to go to the Chinese."

    Ann Gaddis Fan-Blade Aligner
  • "Well, duh. Everyone knows history is where it's at."

    Patrick Fanning Galvanizer
  • "Oh hell, when is the real world ever going to have any use for today’s American kids anyway?"

    Steve Weid Systems Analyst

After Birth

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