Mattel Announces Barbie Movie

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Vol 50 Issue 16

Ronald McDonald Gets Millennial Makeover

McDonald’s officials announced this week that they are redesigning longtime mascot Ronald McDonald with a new outfit and will begin mentioning him on Twitter using the hashtag #ronaldmcdonald, though he does not yet have an account of his own.

Local TCBY Has Missed Past 2 Logo Changes

Obama spends another night searching behind White House paintings for safes, an autopsy determines a total loser's corpse contained no traces of drugs or alcohol, and a superstitious Delta Airlines adds busty mermaids to its plane noses.
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Mattel Announces Barbie Movie

Toymaker Mattel announced that it has teamed up with Sony Studios to produce a live-action Barbie movie, a comedy that will reportedly follow the character as she takes on many of the dozens of roles the doll has adopted over the years. What do you think?

  • “Why would Hollywood be interested in a rail-thin blond they can easily manipulate?”

    Jean Swinson
    Accounts Manager
  • “They better not fuck up her backstory.”

    Marc Halpersin
    U-Haul Truck Driver
  • “I doubt the film will be able to capture the excitement and fun of putting clothes on dolls.”

    Steve Simms
    Unemployed
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