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Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

Toymaker Mattel has unveiled its upcoming “Entrepreneur Barbie” doll, which comes equipped with a smartphone and LinkedIn account and was created under a partnership with eight real female entrepreneurs the company calls Chief Inspiration Officers. What do you think?

  • “Nice to see being a corporate monster has become gender-neutral.”

    Megan Genovese Museum Curator
  • “Accessorizing Barbie with a smartphone is the kind of innovative thinking that could only come from collaborating with eight real-life entrepreneurs.”

    Phil Nelson Office Printer Installer
  • “What’s the point? I’m just gonna strip her naked and make her fight Donatello anyway.”

    Bob Hankey Unemployed

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