adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

Toymaker Mattel has unveiled its upcoming “Entrepreneur Barbie” doll, which comes equipped with a smartphone and LinkedIn account and was created under a partnership with eight real female entrepreneurs the company calls Chief Inspiration Officers. What do you think?

  • “Nice to see being a corporate monster has become gender-neutral.”

    Megan Genovese Museum Curator
  • “Accessorizing Barbie with a smartphone is the kind of innovative thinking that could only come from collaborating with eight real-life entrepreneurs.”

    Phil Nelson Office Printer Installer
  • “What’s the point? I’m just gonna strip her naked and make her fight Donatello anyway.”

    Bob Hankey Unemployed

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close