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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Maurice Sendak Dead At 83

Children's author Maurice Sendak, whose beloved book Where The Wild Things Are came out in 1963, died of complications from a recent stroke. What do you think?

  • "Stroke is the most common complication of participating in a wild rumpus."

    Mark Alsop Notch Grinder
  • "Maurice Sendak introduced me to the world of reading. Well, not so much the world of reading as awesome drawings of monsters."

    Diane Black Ribbon Winder
  • "At least now when my kid tries to avoid bedtime by asking questions about the Wild Things, I can shut him down with, 'We’ll never know, because he’s dead.'"

    Noel Kennedy Inventory Transcriber

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