adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Maurice Sendak Dead At 83

Children's author Maurice Sendak, whose beloved book Where The Wild Things Are came out in 1963, died of complications from a recent stroke. What do you think?

  • "Stroke is the most common complication of participating in a wild rumpus."

    Mark Alsop Notch Grinder
  • "Maurice Sendak introduced me to the world of reading. Well, not so much the world of reading as awesome drawings of monsters."

    Diane Black Ribbon Winder
  • "At least now when my kid tries to avoid bedtime by asking questions about the Wild Things, I can shut him down with, 'We’ll never know, because he’s dead.'"

    Noel Kennedy Inventory Transcriber

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close