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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Maurice Sendak Dead At 83

Children's author Maurice Sendak, whose beloved book Where The Wild Things Are came out in 1963, died of complications from a recent stroke. What do you think?

  • "Stroke is the most common complication of participating in a wild rumpus."

    Mark Alsop Notch Grinder
  • "Maurice Sendak introduced me to the world of reading. Well, not so much the world of reading as awesome drawings of monsters."

    Diane Black Ribbon Winder
  • "At least now when my kid tries to avoid bedtime by asking questions about the Wild Things, I can shut him down with, 'We’ll never know, because he’s dead.'"

    Noel Kennedy Inventory Transcriber
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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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