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Mayhem In The Mideast

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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Mayhem In The Mideast

Mideast peace efforts have broken down in recent days, with Israeli-Palestinian violence erupting throughout the troubled region. What do you think?
  • "The U.N. should lay down the law: No more visits to the Wailing Wall or the Dome Of The Rock until a certain two ethnic groups learn to behave themselves."

    Grace Delaney Dental Hygienist
  • "In these times of trouble, they should turn to the Bible."

    Michael Weathers Pastor
  • "Right now, they're just throwing rocks at each other, but it could get much worse: I've heard rumors that Israel has the boulder."

    Peter Bryson Systems Analyst
  • "Boy, whoever's mediating these discussions sure does suck."

    Omar Bilal Cashier
  • "If only one side was a little darker so I could figure out who was right."

    Dan Voss Truck Driver
  • "Maybe we need to stop thinking of this as a Mideast crisis and just think of it as Mideast culture."

    Diane DeSilva Speech Therapist

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