adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

McDonald's Nixes Cage-Free Eggs

The board of McDonald's has come out against a proposal that would require the restaurant to obtain 5 percent of its eggs from cage-free sources. What do you think?

  • "Wait, so McDonald's uses real chickens?"

    Jeff Sanders rake Adjuster
  • "Five percent would have been perfect, as I tend to get a guilty conscience with every 20th Egg McMuffin."

    Leah Kupferberg Kettle Operator
  • "Right, yeah, fine. So can I get breakfast after 11 a.m. or not?"

    Andy Taylor Hand Packager
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close