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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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McDonald’s Testing 60-Second Drive-Thru Guarantee

Select McDonald’s restaurants in South Florida are testing out a new promotion that guarantees drive-thru customers a 60-seconds-or-less wait period for food or else they’ll get a free sandwich on a future visit, which has drawn criticism from worker advocates, though McDonald’s says it believes it will “energize the crew” and “entertain guests.” What do you think?

  • “I’m not sure it’s possible for me to be more entertained at the McDonald’s drive-thru, but hey, go for it!”

    Gerry Bryson Water Fountain Repairer
  • “I sure hope they can stick to that time frame, because my misgivings about eating at McDonald’s usually kick in around the 75-second mark.”

    Richard Sztaba Cord Untangler
  • “A free sandwich is the least they can offer for keeping me from eating something for a whole 60 seconds.”

    Susan Littenberg Unemployed
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