adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

McDonald’s Testing Do-It-Yourself Seasoned Fries

McDonald’s confirmed they’re testing do-it-yourself seasoned french fries, which customers assemble by pouring packets of flavoring onto the fries in a special mixing bag, a concept that was introduced by Burger King in 2002 and failed. What do you think?

  • “I’m flattered that McDonald’s thinks I can handle this.”

    Ross Shinobu Systems Analyst
  • “We may not have been ready for this in 2002, but we’ve grown so much as a nation since.”

    Jason Waterman Network Administrator
  • “Do we at least get some instructions first, or are they just going to throw us to the wolves?”

    Cassandra Yount Legal Counsel

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close