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McDonald’s To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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McDonald’s To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

Next month, coinciding with the start of football season, McDonald’s will begin a nationwide rollout of its new Mighty Wings, breaded bone-in chicken wings flavored with cayenne and chili pepper, which will be available through November. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to need to see a commercial where a guy saves a party with chicken wings before I commit to anything.”

    Rick Pickett Handkerchief Cutter
  • “It’s about time we had some food to eat while watching football.”

    Titus Leake Driving Instructor
  • “Wouldn’t it be easier if they just dumped chicken bones directly onto our city streets?”

    Stacy Bassler Paste Mixer

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