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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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McDonald’s To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

Next month, coinciding with the start of football season, McDonald’s will begin a nationwide rollout of its new Mighty Wings, breaded bone-in chicken wings flavored with cayenne and chili pepper, which will be available through November. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to need to see a commercial where a guy saves a party with chicken wings before I commit to anything.”

    Rick Pickett Handkerchief Cutter
  • “It’s about time we had some food to eat while watching football.”

    Titus Leake Driving Instructor
  • “Wouldn’t it be easier if they just dumped chicken bones directly onto our city streets?”

    Stacy Bassler Paste Mixer
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