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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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McDonald’s To Offer New Fish McBites

McDonald’s announced the upcoming launch of Fish McBites, roughly McNugget-sized fried fish pieces that are made from the same substance as the company’s Filet-O-Fish sandwiches. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, I know what a McBite is. I’m not an idiot.”

    Elmer Youngreen Insecticide Sprayer
  • “Frankly, I think it’s unnatural to mold fish meat slurry into something other than a rectangle."

    Roxanne Boldroff Bill Collector
  • “Mmm! I love substance.”

    Dino Borthwick Souvenir Assembler

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