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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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McDonald’s To Put Books In Happy Meals

McDonald’s announced that it would include one of four paperback books in its Happy Meals from Nov. 1 to Nov. 14, with the works featuring McDonald’s Funky Farm characters, including a goat, ant, dodo bird, and dinosaur. What do you think?

  • “Just like when my taco order from Chipotle came with the works of Saul Bellow.”

    Victor Rathner Systems Analyst
  • “A goat, an ant, a dodo bird, and a dinosaur? That is one funky farm.”

    Donald Caven Saddle Maker
  • “Wow, maybe their food isn’t so unhealthy.”

    Caroline Lepselter Tire Buffer
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