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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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McDonald’s To Put Books In Happy Meals

McDonald’s announced that it would include one of four paperback books in its Happy Meals from Nov. 1 to Nov. 14, with the works featuring McDonald’s Funky Farm characters, including a goat, ant, dodo bird, and dinosaur. What do you think?

  • “Just like when my taco order from Chipotle came with the works of Saul Bellow.”

    Victor Rathner Systems Analyst
  • “A goat, an ant, a dodo bird, and a dinosaur? That is one funky farm.”

    Donald Caven Saddle Maker
  • “Wow, maybe their food isn’t so unhealthy.”

    Caroline Lepselter Tire Buffer

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