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McDonald’s Unveils New Slogan: Lovin’ Beats Hatin’

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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McDonald’s Unveils New Slogan: Lovin’ Beats Hatin’

After losing popularity with millennial consumers who are increasingly choosing Chipotle, McDonald’s unveiled its new tagline, “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’,” which officials say aims to spread love amidst hate for the brand on the internet. What do you think?

  • “McDonald’s is smart to go on the internet and tell people they’re wrong.”

    Thomas McGuire Systems Analyst
  • “They really nailed the millennial voice.”

    Penny Nichols Home Decor Reseller
  • “I’ve been saying for years that people who don’t eat at McDonald’s have bitter hate in their hearts.”

    Dean Brendel Coaster Stacker

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