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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not over, and that “Paul Ryan has not pushed [him] off the cliff in a wheelchair.” What do you think?

  • “Congratulations, Mitt, on your sweatiest endorsement yet.”

    Lucas Groom Marine Machinist
  • “He makes a good point, but I think, in a lot of ways, the Cold War is over.”

    Patricia Rosenthal Vocational Adviser
  • “Did Big & Rich by any chance mention who they were supporting for president?”

    Dennis Nykvist Systems Analyst

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