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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Media Coverage Of The War

Across the nation, citizens are glued to their TV sets for war coverage. What do you think of the job the media are doing?
  • "I watch the Fox News Channel, because they're unbiased and support the war 100 percent."

    Michael Crane Systems Analyst
  • "One week into the conflict, it's still unclear who will emerge as this war's Arthur 'Scud Stud' Kent."

    Amanda Criss Nutritionist
  • "Can't we skip all that disturbing night-vision bombing stuff and go straight to the jubilant liberation footage?"

    Andrea Lytle Homemaker
  • "I watch Al-Jazeera on satellite but turn the sound off and listen to NPR. I have no idea what the fuck is happening."

    Gordon Jackson Architect
  • "I'm hoping there will be helmet-mounted soldier-cams to be outraged by."

    Dan Durkee Roofer
  • "Talk about your boring reruns."

    Mitchell Fawkes Electrician
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