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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Medical Marijuana

California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
  • "I am permitted to smoke dope because I have, like, the flu and shit."

    Julie Meyers Teacher
  • "One time when I was sick, my dad gave me a big fattie, only it wasn't the kind you smoke."

    Adam Feuerstein State Senator
  • "I am a Bay Area surgeon, and I recently pioneered a new open-heart surgery technique where a big bag of weed is dropped into the patient's open chest cavity. Results have been mixed."

    Michael Hiller Surgeon
  • "I'd never smoke weed if I had cancer, man. I might freak out and get all paranoid and be, like, 'Whoa! I've got cancer, man!'"

    Rajeev Thakker Architect
  • "Now if my doctor could just prescribe me some pizza delivered to my place, I'd be fuckin' set."

    Todd Pollack Lawyer
  • "I like to whip up a marijuana poultice and apply it to my muscles when they ache. I also pour heroin into some hot water for a dandy foot massage!"

    Cristina Tendero Systems Analyst

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