Medical Marijuana

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Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump Complains Entire Personality Rigged Against Him

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump discussed topics including national security, taxes, and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate Sunday. The Onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims

Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
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Medical Marijuana

California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
  • "I am permitted to smoke dope because I have, like, the flu and shit."

    Julie Meyers Teacher
  • "One time when I was sick, my dad gave me a big fattie, only it wasn't the kind you smoke."

    Adam Feuerstein State Senator
  • "I am a Bay Area surgeon, and I recently pioneered a new open-heart surgery technique where a big bag of weed is dropped into the patient's open chest cavity. Results have been mixed."

    Michael Hiller Surgeon
  • "I'd never smoke weed if I had cancer, man. I might freak out and get all paranoid and be, like, 'Whoa! I've got cancer, man!'"

    Rajeev Thakker Architect
  • "Now if my doctor could just prescribe me some pizza delivered to my place, I'd be fuckin' set."

    Todd Pollack Lawyer
  • "I like to whip up a marijuana poultice and apply it to my muscles when they ache. I also pour heroin into some hot water for a dandy foot massage!"

    Cristina Tendero Systems Analyst


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