Medical Marijuana

Top Headlines

Recent News

Insurance Only Covers Generic Heart Transplant

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery.

‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Comedy

Medical Marijuana

Last week, the Supreme Court upheld the federal government's right to ban marijuana use, even in states that allow it for medical reasons. What do you think?
  • "This is sad news for me and other survivors of nausea."

    Irina Manta
    Systems Analyst
  • "I was surprised by the judges' reaction to this whole thing. Especially Scalia, because, y'know, he's cool."

    Brian Netter
    Tile Setter
  • "Well, can't these cancer patients paint, play sports, or listen to music instead of doing drugs? That's what they taught us in health class."

    Alan Schoenfeld
    Shoe Salesman
  • "Dude, the small-government-advocating, states-rights-supporting conservatives must've been totally high when they wrote that decision."

    Daniel S. Korobkin
    Podiatirst
  • "The Court made the right decision. Once you legalize the medical use of marijuana, it's only a matter of time before you start seeing medical use of harder narcotics, like morphine."

    Robert Yablon
    Banker
  • "Great. Now how am I supposed to treat my recurrent case of Doritos Aversion Syndrome?"

    Caroline Wilson
    Lab Supervisor
Next Story