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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Memorial Day Celebrations

Today is Memorial Day. How will you be celebrating it?
  • "I'm hoping that this year, remembrance of our fallen veterans will beat out Pirates Of The Caribbean among 8-to-15-year-olds, domestically."

    Milt Stuckey Labor Mediator
  • "I'm not going to cheat on my husband, who's stationed in Afghanistan. Hi, honey! I love you!"

    Michelle Voden Caterer
  • "Oh, I don't know. Probably in the ER, saving lives, rebuilding crushed spines, removing bullets from hearts. Because that's how I spend every day–and emergencies don't observe holidays."

    Clyde Pellham Surgeon

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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